Screen Time for Kids: Building Healthy Habits

In today's digital age, it's no surprise that both children and adults easily become addicted to screens. We know that screen-time issue is very important to a lot of parents. Establishing screen time limits for children is challenging, but it’s crucial to approach it with compassion and remember that adults also struggle with this issue. This post could easily be named "Screen Time for Kids (and Adults)", because we are not all that different. Our minds, though not everything we are, are largely chaotic parts that need structure — habits — to avoid aimlessly wandering. Except for moments when we consciously allow such wandering, like during creative processes or mindfulness meditation where we observe spontaneous thoughts.

To ease transitions from screen time to other activities, it’s essential to first cultivate appropriate habits. This allows the mind to switch more effortlessly from one type of activity to another, such as ending screen time to start a shared meal or engage in physical movement. For adults, a versatile tool like focused attention or mindfulness meditation is invaluable. In types of meditation that involve focusing on a specific thing — be it the breath, bodily sensations, an object, or sound (like a mantra) — the centuries-old practice is simply about enabling the consciousness in us to train the mind to return to the focal point whenever it wanders. This is the essence of such meditation, mind training, because it has long been discovered that an "unobserved mind" is the main obstacle to connecting with the truth about ourselves and our reality. Mind training through meditation allows us to strengthen muscle-like pathways in our brain to let go of what doesn’t serve us.

In the past, managing the mind was a challenge already, and today's screens add an additional layer of difficulty. They cause strong stimulation of the human mind, which easily "sticks" to them, capturing all attention while leaving only a marginal or nonexistent part for reality. Repeating this process over long periods leads to addiction mechanisms similar to other addictions we know. In this case, the "reward" tempting us is the instant gratification of the mind through, among other things, rich visual stimuli. In the case of social media, it also involves belonging to a social group where one can express likes or dislikes (one of most favorite activities of the ego-related mind).

An unobserved mind wanders randomly, making it susceptible to being controlled by hidden patterns and programs within us that we are not consciously aware of. These include our deep-seated beliefs about ourselves and the world, fears, childhood traumas, and established patterns of mental and physical activity — habits. While for adults, working on all these areas provides benefits in expanding self-awareness — gradually transitioning from an "unobserved mind" to an "observed mind" state, increasing the ability to direct the mind’s paths — in the context of reducing screen addiction in children, focusing on habits yields the best results. Other spheres will need to "wait" for the child's readiness to engage in conscious work with them and, most importantly, for their voluntary and independent willingness to explore them, as we do in adulthood.

Forming Strong Habits for Screen Time

Forming habits is certainly easier when your child either begins their screen-related activity or is about to begin. Here’s how to start:

• Explain the Purpose: From the start, explain that screens are tools we use for specific purposes and only at designated times (e.g., X, Y, Z) for a specific duration. Establish exact times for screen use and stick to them.

• Designate Break Activities: After screen time, tell your child "Now it is time to let your eyes rest by going outdoors and looking at trees far away".

• Create No-Screen Zones: Designate certain areas of your home, like the dining room or bedrooms, as screen-free zones to encourage other types of interaction and activity.

• Model Healthy Habits: Children learn by observing. Show them how to take breaks, engage in physical activities, and use screens wisely by doing so yourself.

That is how to start if you have a screen beginner at home. However, even if your child is already deeply involved with screens, it's possible to soften the duration, frequency, and level of protest by being consistent with habits:

• Consistency: The more consistent you are, the more your child's mind gets used to it and forms new behavior patterns.

• Encourage Alternative Activities: Promote engagement in non-screen activities such as reading, sports, or arts and crafts. Provide options and create routines around these activities.

• Remind to Use Technology Purposefully: Instead of passive consumption, encourage children to use technology for educational purposes, creative projects, or interactive learning.

• Micro-Steps: Focus on small steps and acknowledge even the smallest changes, like shortening screen time by 10 minutes. Have compassion and remember your own effort in overcoming the temptation towards these devices.

• Celebrate wins together: Celebrate generously any outcome aligned with the main goal, such as achieving 20 more minutes of off-screen time than the previous week. This unified celebration will strengthen your bond and convey to your child that off-screen time is a value worth pursuing.

• Mindfulness as a Tool: If you feel comfortable with mindfulness practices yourself, think about introducing them to your children in an age-appropriate way. However, rather than enforcing mindfulness, introduce it by example. Use it often yourself and once it catches their curiosity share in detail how it helps you. No need to teach unsolicited. Let children observe and choose to engage at their own pace.

Forming strong habits for our kids regarding the order of the day, particularly screen-related habits, will make transitions easier for them and avoid a lot of fighting along the way. By focusing on these habits and implementing the tips mentioned in this post to form consistency, we can help children develop a healthier relationship with screens while teaching them valuable skills that extend beyond the digital world. This approach not only addresses the immediate concerns of screen addiction but also lays the foundation for lifelong habits that support emotional resilience and inner clarity.

How do you currently manage screen time in your household, brave parent? Any specific challenges or successes you’ve encountered?

Until next time,

Nurturify: Better Parents, Better Planet 🌍💚📱

Recommended resources:

Mindful Screen Time: A Reassuring Guide to Parenting Screen Time, Preventing Digital Addiction, and the Uses of Technology for Positive Child Development (The Guilty Parents) : https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Screen-Time-Reassuring-Development/dp/1777863945